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Signs of the Times Australia / NZ edition — lifestyle, health, relationships, culture, spirituality, people — published since 1886 |
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Signs of the Times Australia / NZ edition — lifestyle, health, relationships, culture, spirituality, people — published since 1886 |
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Q: I’ve always thought books, machines and even pets are easier to deal with than people, so I haven’t made a lot of friends. Recently my life came to crisis point and I’ve discovered life can be lonely. I need to find real friends while avoiding the complications that come from getting too involved.
A: A Risk, commitment and sacrifice aren’t popular concepts, but they are the building blocks of all friendships.
If our acquaintance is casual, less of each of these ingredients will be needed, but the stronger the bond, the more essential they become. Friendship is the reward for social effort. It is the return we get from time invested in another person, for the priority given to their needs and the care we give them.
Solomon, that wise man, says, “A man that has friends must show himself friendly” (Proverbs18:24, KJV).
That’s the first step toward making new friends. And here are some more: Take the initiative. A friendship needs to be started and cultivated by someone. Take personal responsibility for getting yours under way and for sustaining it.
Get connected through conversation.
When you talk with another, listen out for areas of common interest and experience. These may include family, work, places of origin, mutual acquaintances, shared pastimes or hobbies.
Build on common ground. Look for more opportunities to communicate and share common interests.
Arrange to meet over a meal, for a river cruise, a bush walk, a game of golf or any preferred activity. If this is rewarding, suggest another meeting.
Beware of exclusion. No-one has exclusive rights to the friendship of others because possessiveness, as this is called, kills relationships. Be prepared to widen the circle and invite others to join. Permit freedom to your friend to associate with others, too. Such freedom fosters the closeness you seek.
Finally, overlook others’ faults and failings, as you would hope they would yours. We all have the capacity to disappoint the expectations of our friends. And if there is a problem, forgiveness is the best remedy for a quick recovery and the sure way to a new start.
Extract from Signs of the Times, August 2002.
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