Cool & Cute

Kim Peckham has some presents tips for gift giving.

Are you looking for a gift for that special someone? Do you hope to find just the perfect item that will cause them to gasp with delight and throw their arms around you with an expression that says, “How is it possible that you had discerned the deepest needs of my soul?” If that’s the kind of reaction you want, then I suggest you give cash.

However, if you insist on a more personal gift, follow these four shopping tips.

Tip #1
When it comes to buying Christmas gifts for children, never, never, never deviate from the child’s wish list. When you’re a kid, you do not welcome creativity. You have a list of 20 toys that you need only slightly less than oxygen, and the pool of gift-giving relatives is not large enough for someone to wander off the script and show up on Christmas eve with an educational game or an economy pack of Bonds underwear and socks. If you’re not sure what is on a child’s wish list, remember that many children post their lists on the Internet.

Tip #2
If you need a present for a guy, find something that can be readily described with the generic term “cool.” An amazing example would be a GPS—an amazing electronic device that uses satellites to report your exact location anywhere on Earth to within 10 metres.

Unfortunately, they don’t give this information in any useful form to the novice, such as “You are within 10 metres of an excellent muffin shop.” Instead, it gives you two numbers signifying longitude and latitude, which may have helped Amelia Erhart but mean absolutely nothing to one such as me. Still, every guy who has one agrees that it is very “cool.”
Other cool gifts for men include any power tool capable of causing a grievous bodily injury, anything with the R M Williams name on it and tickets to the Members reserve at the MCG for the Boxing Day cricket test.

Tip #3
If you’re shopping for a woman (and of course, I’m speaking as a male here), the operative word is “cute.” I say this because I’ve observed that the highest words of praise that can come from a woman’s lips are “isn’t that cute!”
If something isn’t cute to begin with, women will make it cute. As an experiment, I would like to put a woman in charge of a men’s maximum security prison. Within three months I bet the place would look like the inside of a Myer bedding department. All the bunks would have Laura Ashley sheets and pillow shams; bowls of potpourri would decorate the weight room, and inmates who refused to wallpaper their cells would be kicked out of the Creative Memories and Scrapbooking class.

One of the best places to find cute gift ideas is in an Innovations or BetterWares catalogue, which includes such items as the bird feeder angel cat—a garden accessory designed by a cat lover who would apparently like to revise current understanding of celestial beings.

Now, some of you more crafty women can make your own cute gifts. You have my respect. But you must be strong and resist the temptation to give a handmade craft to a man. No offence, but you’re not going to be able to make anything a man wants for Christmas—unless you are an electrical engineer.

Tip #4
Well, I hate to add a new name to your shopping list, but what about God? The day of bringing sacrificial animals is pretty much over, so, once again, cash seems to be the best choice. At least until you read Micah 6:8, where God writes down His wish list. He says He wants you “to act justly and to love mercy and walk humbly” with Him.
Cool, huh?

Adapted, with permission, from Women of Spirit.

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