God Was With Me
Trapped in an abusive relationship, Karen Byers* found God was working ahead of her.
My marriage was marked by abuse of many forms. After several separations, I realised that if my husband, Tom, refused to change, then our relationship had no future. But when the end finally came, Tom begged me for “one last chance” saying he’d changed.
So I did. We moved to a new area and together found a new church to attend. I immediately felt at home. This was unprecedented for me, as I am not an outgoing person and it takes time for me to settle.
At church I made friends with several people and became quite close. I started a children’s club in the church, with my friends choosing to help out. Working together cemented our friendships. When we had to move a few months later, we moved into a house in the same street as one of them.
In the months following our reconciliation I tried to convince myself that Tom had changed, but the evidence wasn’t there. It came to a head over an incident in which Tom refused to take me to an overnight club function.
There was an argument and I was forced to call a taxi from my neighbour’s place. I arrived considerably late but, by coincidence, at the same time as another woman, Anne.
She could tell immediately that something was wrong, being an abuse survivor herself, and supported me through the evening, then dropped me home the next day. Anne remained for awhile, allowing me to talk about what had happened and my emotions. After not even welcoming me home, Tom assumed an attentive, loving attitude in Anne’s presence— typical of the abuse cycle—and I knew immediately there’d been no change and no intention of making one. I knew I had to separate permanently.
Anne gave me her phone number. “Call me anytime you need to,” Anne said reassuringly.
“Come and stay, if you have to.” Over the next few days, we spoke on several occasions; we also met in town.
Anne was very considerate and aware; she recognised that I was slipping into depression.
“You really should see a doctor,” she suggested. “Before you fall too far and can’t climb back.” n I had to get away from Tom, but I didn’t know what to do. I took Anne’s advice and consulted a counsellor at a community centre, at minimal cost. As I sat waiting for my appointment (she was uncharacteristically late), I read some notices on the boards including one for an abused woman’s support group.
According to the notice date, it had started only a few days previously. I phoned and was invited to come along.
“We’ll even have a babysitter for you!” One less worry.
As a group with common ground, we soon developed a rapport, and it became a highlight of our week. We could drop our masks and be sure that everyone would still respect and support us. Everything fell into place: the program was changed as guest speakers were unable to attend when scheduled, but that suited my program perfectly. Each topic seemed to be just the one that I needed on the week.
The support of the group strengthened my resolve to follow through with the separation as well. They were a community group with no claim to being anything other than humanistic; one facilitator was even open about her support of tarot, but God isn’t limited by people. He uses even those who don’t acknowledge Him to work out His purposes. I couldn’t see His leading or feel His presence right then but, looking back, it’s obvious He was nearby opening doors and bringing me into contact with just the sort of people who could help me. And even though I really wasn’t focused on God at the time, He didn’t abandon me.
I’ve always known at the intellectual level that I serve a powerful God, but the incidents and coincidences of my separation have shown me just how powerful He is. God is interested in the most intimate and seemingly insignificant details of my life; He arranges things for my benefit, even when I’m unable to ask and am not aware of His doing.
And it isn’t only small details. Months before I needed them, He led me to friends who became vital to my emotional survival and getting back on my feet. And having a Christian friend in my street willing to give much practical support was invaluable. Now, it’s my turn.
I hope my simple story brings courage to someone else. Don’t ever doubt but that God is working for your good; He is aware of everything happening to you; He cares greatly about you. Since becoming aware of how God worked in my life, I feel much closer to Him. To my friends, please accept my thanks; you were the vehicles of God’s purpose.
And if you are in a relationship like mine—whether abused or abuser—have the courage to do something about it.
Such relationships don’t honour God.
Don’t be afraid to seek and ask for help, and, with prayerful consideration, you will come to know what is best for your situation.
* All names, including the author’s, have been changed to protect the parties.
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