For Those About to Rock

Ever wondered what it’s like to throw your father-in-law overboard? Grenville Kent found out.

I didn’t mean to jonah my father-in-law out of the ski-boat. My cousin Clive and I were just mucking around behind Candy Bar , Clive’s bath toy. We turned hard left, rocking the nippy little boat. Paul, the driver, turned the wheel to counter our pull. We turned right and dug in deep, pulling Candy Bar’ s stern toward us in a flat skid. Paul laughed and corrected. Another biting left, our bodies almost horizontal, and I remember the rest in slo-mo . . .

Through the distorted plate-glass window of water hanging off my ski, I see Clive’s wicked grin.

Paul uses full throttle and opposite lock to stop Candy Bar crabbing.

The little craft hits a wave. It flips out of the water, one side much higher.

The propeller pulls air and the engine screams.

Paul screams, body horizontal two metres above the water, with only the steering wheel to hug.

Candy Bar lands hard on its sidewall.

It planes along at 90 degrees to horizontal, teetering there for about a week, deciding whether or not to tip over.

Dad is on the low side. At 60 km/h, his cricket hat is scudding along the water, still on his head. He slightly raises one eyebrow.

I imagine Candy Bar capsizing at speed, snapping people’s backs and trashing itself . . .

But Dad calmly ejects from his seat.

He bounces across the water backwards, tumbling like a dropped teddy bear.

His quick thinking balances the boat. Slap! it lands back on its hull bottom.

Paul breathes again and backs off the throttle. We skiers stop planing and slowly sink.

Dad gets back into the boat, cursing.

He picks up the steel anchor and pounds me about the head, making his daughter a widow.

Except that last bit never happened.

He didn’t even lecture us on the potential danger.

We said sorry, but then Clive and I laughed. We hooted, convulsed and cachinnated, sitting in the water unable to stop. We didn’t sound sorry, but Dad understood it was just stress relief. When we’d finished, he said with understatement, “Well, that was fun to do . . .

once.” Just the slightest of emphasis on the word once .

Message received.

I was impressed with his grace under fire. Polar icebergs will steam up before he does. Cucumbers will throw screaming hissy fits before he’ll dishonour another person, even one in the wrong. His daughter reports that whenever people have mistreated him in the past, he has always said, “Oh well, they haven’t had the opportunity to develop graciousness, so we need to model it to them.” (She says it too, now. Lucky me.) Dad will tell you balance is vital, especially in the time and effort you spend on earning, learning, fitness, relationships, recreation and spirituality. Stress may pull you around, but this balance gives your life a dynamic stability.

“The engulfing waters threatened me. . . . But you brought my life up from the depths, God” (Jonah 2:5, 6, my paraphrase).

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