Ripped Off

Q: I don’t remember having too many rights when I was a kid. When older people spoke, I was to be quiet; when adults came to visit, I was to give them my seat. Now that I’m an adult myself, it seems my preschool nieces and nephews largely dominate the conversation. They give me their seat when I come to visit only if they feel like it. Have I been ripped off or something?

A: Wherever self-centred behaviours in adults or children are tolerated or encouraged, everyone affected is being “ripped off.” Self-centredness makes us unable to recognise the needs of others. It blinds us to the call of our community to watch out for people and to care for them.

It leaves us without sympathy and renders us indifferent and heedless to human suffering. It robs us of a sensitivity that makes us truly human.

Rather than a legacy to be passed on to the next generation, self-centredness is a curse to be avoided by all.

Unfortunately, we don’t get unselfishness from the drinking water—it’s taught, learned and practised.

You would do your little relatives a favour if you challenged them to some unselfish behaviours.

Buy one treat to be shared among them all. Let them divide it equally with your supervision.

Insist on their saying please and thank you, both to you and to one another.

Withhold rewards until they have complied with your expectations, for example, to make a seat available to you, stop pushing one another around, or sat where you asked them to sit. This is not bribery.

By a constant, kindly insistance on unselfish behaviour, you will help them become more aware of the needs of others. Their parents may or may not appreciate your efforts but, remember, you have rights too and can expect others, no matter how young, to respect them.

Extract from Signs of the Times, November 2002.

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