Working Through the Blues
You’re having one of those dark, depressing days? No need to: there are plenty of ways to put some sunshine back into your life, according to Ellen Lamar Thomas.
I could lie down like a tired child/ And weep away this life of care,/ Which I have borne and still must bear,” the 19th-century poet Shelley wrote. His words still ring true today. But not everyone finds solace in brooding verse as did Shelley. And, more importantly, clinical depression isn’t to be taken lightly and shouldn’t be mistaken for a simple case of the blues.
“With major depression, there’s a prolonged, decreased interest or pleasure in almost all activity,” warns Dr Larry Berger of the University of Minnesota’s department of psychiatry. “Frequently there’s a change in sleep patterns and people complain of fatigue. Feeling suicidal may also be one of the symptoms. It’s important to get help.” But let’s say you’ve just been having a bad day, and what you’re dealing with is clearly a case of the blues. What will help you pull yourself out of the doldrums? Following are some strategies—questions to ask yourself—the next time you’re blue.
what is God teaching me?
A former social worker, depressed about having to enter a nursing home, felt that his useful life was over. What good can I wrest from this? he asked himself.
What does God want me to learn? And then he noticed those around him.
Some sat all day in silence, apart, no friend to visit or care. Could he offer them friendship? Wheeling his own chair near, he tried to draw them out. Then he listened and responded. By comforting others, he found comfort.
A pastoral counsellor tells us, “Thorns have roses.
We may have been pitying ourselves too much. But we can turn gloomy thoughts into personal challenges.”
work off the blues
When monks in the Middle Ages were depressed, they were told, “Pray hard— and clean your cells.” We can sometimes brighten a dark day by getting work done—putting papers in order, mowing the lawn or cleaning the garage, putting cupboards or drawers in order.
We can be as productive on a day when we’re depressed as when we’re happy. We can feel real pride at the close of the day, saying, I was feeling low, but look what I have accomplished.
are your blues a signal?
Do you need to take more care of yourself? Do you need rest and renewal? “Even on the busiest day, I can still plan a mini vacation,” one homemaker reported.
Jesus was engaged in a divine mission so crucial it would change the world. Yet Christ took time for rest and respite— time to renew Himself, to mingle with the guests at a wedding, to linger for supper with Martha and Mary.
Have you worked far too hard? Eaten carelessly? Failed to exercise? If you abuse a tired body, you’re asking for despair.
what can I do to change?
We can ask ourselves, Why is this a low day? then, Does it have to be this way? Some situations are beyond our power to change—our serenity depends on accepting this. Some solutions, on the other hand, are within our reach.
A young woman’s heart was heavy when she overheard her new mother-inlaw criticise her, harshly and unjustly. She could have responded with resentment and brooding. Instead, she asked herself, Have I really tried to earn her affection? l reach out Linda, who has her own share of problems, keeps an even tenor. I asked, “How do you lift your spirits?” “I think of some friend who’s depressed.
Then I phone them or write an affectionate note. There’s a warm feeling that comes from caring and giving.” Nothing banishes negative feelings more quickly than positive actions.
grow in compassion
Lynn, a personnel worker in a large corporation, has a gift for counselling the troubled. In the crucible of her suffering, pain has often been transformed into power. So it can be with you.
“Who shall speak to those whose hearts are broken except those whose hearts are broken?” A sensitive person devoted to God made this observation, and it’s true that out of pain we develop empathy. Our words become more sensitive, our tone more tender, our listening more caring.
lower your expectations
The road of life is full of rough spots; we may be expecting a smoothness life can’t possibly deliver. “If we expect no loneliness and pain,” counsels psychiatrist Dr Theodore Rubin, “we’re brutally shocked when our expectations are shot down—and they will be. But if we accept those as inevitable yet controllable, and act accordingly, we can cope with suffering, even grow from the experience.” act happy “When I’m depressed and am among people,” says Michael, “I make a special effort to greet others warmly. When I greet others warmly, they pour back warmth to me—and I’m lifted, too.” Psychologist William James urged us to “seem” happy. In our emotional life, he observed, we smile because we’re happy— and we’re happy because we smile.
develop a support system
Contacts and activities with people are our survival kit. Those who are selfstarters fare better emotionally than those who make no effort. Researchers asked people over 65 whether they had someone in whom they could confide their problems. Those who answered yes had better mental health than those who lacked a confidant.
One older woman, alone and depressed at Christmas, volunteered to work at Christian Toyland, a community project for children who would have no gifts at Christmas. Not only did she feel deep satisfaction, she also found new friends among the other volunteers.
We need to put out the anchor lines of interests and hobbies. “The value of an avocation increases during periods of mental stress,” says Dr William Menninger.
“As we grow older, the need becomes greater. Recreation is an extremely important aid to growing old gracefully.”
enrich your spiritual resources
“When black thoughts come crowding,” a spiritual counsellor says, “I cancel each one with words from Scripture, such as, ‘Be of good courage and Christ will strengthen your heart’ and ‘The Lord is my rock and my fortress . . . my shield . . . my stronghold.’” In our dark hours, perhaps more than in our sunny ones, we have the opportunity to grow spiritually. We can find strength in prayer and meditation.
An older man once made the comment: “Though I may not always want to share my blues with others, I can talk them out with the Divine. As I tap this guidance, things fall into place.” Have you informed yourself? Reading articles and books can give you further insight and help you give yourself better emotional care.
avoid bad thinking
On a low day, our thoughts may be badly distorted. Some psychologists urge us to overcome our black thoughts with reality testing—test them for their validity.
If we find them not 100 per cent valid, we can “talk” back positively.
Dark Thought: “Someone I love has let me down. I can’t forgive them.” Brighter Thought: “If I can love only the perfect person, I doom myself to loneliness and isolation. Jesus counsels us not to behold the mote in another’s eye, but to worry about the beam in our own. Don’t I have enough of a challenge managing myself?” n For most of us, conquering the blues will not be easy. We can’t expect to throw them off forever: recurring blues are part of life. And we should not confuse the blues with the grieving that comes with life’s deepest sorrows—serious illness, the loss of those we love, for example. Our sadness at such times is tender and realistic, and deepens our humanity. To feel sorrow less would be to care less.
We can, though, avoid integrating selfpity into our lifestyle. We can exert some control, rise above dwelling on sadness.
And we can, if we try, sometimes bring good out of our trials. Each day is precious: “Let us rejoice and be glad in it.”
“DOs” AND “DON’Ts” FOR GETTING OVER IT:
- Don’t get depressed about being depressed—and then feel guilty about it—ups and downs are normal.
- Do try dressing up on a low day. It’s a real morale builder.
- Do plan a diversion for times when you have melancholy thoughts. This might be after a restless night or waking early. Keep a book close by for such occasions.
- Do phone a friend. Have a talk or plan some time together.
- Do confide in trusted friends. With a sounding board, you may see things in a different light. Sometimes a professional counsellor is needed.
- Do take care to not replay sad thoughts. Activity may be a better prescription. While you are active, thoughts no longer feed on sad thoughts.
- Don’t forget to pray. There’s so much sorrow in the world, sometimes we feel like giving up. But the more sorrow there is, the more caring is needed. Pray, “How can I be a caring person?” l Don’t worry about what the future holds and whether you can cope. We don’t have to live our entire futures right now. We have a more manageable assignment: get through today. Today is a manageable segment of time.
- Do try to get through your low day minute by minute. Encourage yourself all through the day as you would a friend whose heart is heavy.
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Articles of interest:
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This is an extract from September 2002
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