Enjoy Your Retirement
Retiring and ready to enjoy the good life? You will if you plan to. Oneta Dernelle considers the traps.
For years Sylvia and Jim looked forward to their retirement when they could spend more time together, and leave the pressures of work and family demands behind them. At first, it was wonderful. No bosses to answer to, no timetables to follow. But after awhile they experienced a vague dissatisfaction— with themselves and with each other. What went wrong? In planning for retirement couples often overlook the changes that may occur in both themselves and their relationship with their spouse. Following are 10 ways to help couples enjoy their retirement more.
1 Give each other individual “space.”
Too much “togetherness” can cause irritability and tension. As one woman commented, “I love my husband, but I don’t want to be with him every minute.” Women, who have spent years as homemakers, often feel that their daytime freedom will be eliminated by a retired spouse. But if both husband and wife recognise the importance of individual space, the wife will be able to continue her daytime activities, if she desires, without coming home to a disgruntled husband. Or, the husband should be able to play golf or follow other interests without his wife complaining. A certain amount of separateness adds to the enjoyment of being together.
2 Plan some activities together.
Separateness is balanced by togetherness.
Planning a few fun outings together can make retirement years run more smoothly. These may be for only a few hours, such as an evening of strolling, dinner (with or without friends) or a weekend away.
Longer trips are now possible—a week or two in another locale, perhaps a cabin in the mountains or a motel at the beach may be affordable and possible.
One joy of retirement is that you don’t have to report back at the workplace at a certain time, so you can leave home without even planning to return. What a luxury! However, don’t be lulled into the belief that unlimited leisure time and lack of commitment are foundations of a happy retirement.
3 Have a purpose.
The happiest retirees are those who spend at least a portion of their time in pursuit of some goal or achievement.
Men, especially, often feel lost without the structure of a job. This gap can often be filled by taking a temporary or part-time job, volunteering at one of the many agencies that need help, or working on a meaningful project, such as a book or newsletter.
Joan and Ed retired at the same time.
After a short holiday Joan cleaned their house thoroughly and Ed painted the outside. That accomplished, Joan became involved with her easel and paintbrush.
She’d only dabbled in it previously, because of lack of time. Now she looked forward to spending time at it, taking classes and attending art shows. But Ed was at a loss. He didn’t have enough to do to occupy his time. Finally, he took a part-time job as an accountant—the work he knew best—and despite being back at a desk, was much happier for it.
4 Keep your mind active.
There are books to read, lectures to attend, museums to visit. Just do it! Many universities and TAFEs offer courses free to senior citizens. Having an active mind is a way of staying young. It’s also a method of adding interest to your retirement years and to your marriage. And new topics of conversation make dinner time more interesting.
5 Follow the rules of good health.
Eat sensibly, including a good amount of vegetables and fruits. Many retirees tend to eat high-calorie, highfat food then exercise too little, a formula for a more permanent “retirement.” Set up an exercise routine, even if it is for only 15 minutes a day. Don’t forget to go for your regular medical check-up—even though you dislike going. You owe it to your spouse in addition to yourself to stay as healthy as possible.
6 Share the homework.
When a husband retires the homemaker should be able to have her load lightened around the house, rather than added to by a stay-at-home husband. Certain routines can be followed that will maintain good will in the marriage. For instance, if the wife cooks, the husband can clean up the kitchen and do the dishes. While she does the laundry, he can mow the lawn or work in the yard. An equitable division of the household chores will keep your retirement years from becoming a burden on either spouse.
7 Remember, you are equal partners.
Sometimes a person who’s had a position of authority in employment is inclined to carry that into the home. It probably goes without saying, but it’s not appreciated by anyone, and can lead to unpleasantness. The watchword is: Don’t boss! If you wish to practise your efficiency expertise, work in your own domain, not in your partner’s.
8 Pay attention to your appearance.
You may think personal appearances no longer matter. Not true! In some ways, it’s more important. So discard your old baggy and worn-out clothing that you’re thinking “will do.” Casual outfits for everyday wear cost very little. Buy a few outfits so that you can change into fresh, clean clothing daily. Seeing a person in the same outfit day after day can become monotonous. A person’s appearance is often a reflection of how he feels about him- or herself. A man who doesn’t bathe for days or a woman who keeps her hair rolled in curlers all day doesn’t show or engender respect.
9 Talk to each other.
Keeping the communication lines open is perhaps one of the most important tips for making retirement more enjoyable. Listen to your spouse.
Encourage him or her to talk about their feelings. Too many retired couples build up a psychological wall between themselves. They keep their thoughts and feelings to themselves, until they get to a point where they really don’t know each other.
Ellen and Dick, retired for five years, make it a point to have a tea break where they focus on each other before ever they begin their day. Ellen says, “Anything is open for discussion. This is our way of keeping our lines of communication open.”
10 Keep the romance rolling.
Things like a special smile, a loving touch or an inexpensive surprise gift all help. Flirt a bit with your spouse. There are many ways you can express love for your mate. The more love, thoughtfulness and respect you put into your marriage, the more you will enjoy your retirement with your spouse.
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