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Signs of the Times Australia / NZ edition — lifestyle, health, relationships, culture, spirituality, people — published since 1886 |
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Signs of the Times Australia / NZ edition — lifestyle, health, relationships, culture, spirituality, people — published since 1886 |
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Q: Whatever happened to “sorry”? I hear it so seldom these days, I’m tempted to think it’s been lost from our language. When a mistake is made, the current practice is to shift blame, question the validity of the client’s comments, or claim the “customer” is somehow responsible.
A: Saying sorry does take humility, but also courage. These attributes are often in short supply. It’s easier to let pride motivate and lead us into defensiveness, rather than admit we’re less than perfect.
If we own our mistakes, we leave ourselves open to criticism, give others an opportunity to think less of us and strengthen the fear that we might fall in their estimation. The trouble is pride and defensiveness are highly visible to observers, who usually recognise and may despise you for them.
Though not always personally desired, courage and humility are greatly admired. This is why we want to see them in other people. It would be very satisfying if we could demand this kind of behaviour, but that’s impossible.
The best we can do is to model it ourselves. If we were to adopt humble and courageous attitudes to our own shortcomings, we’ll use the word sorry more. As a result we might even see it revived and reinstated in the English language!
Q: There’s a big emphasis on honesty today. But I’m not sure it’s always the best policy. Sometimes honesty hurts more than it helps. What do you think?
A: Honesty and information are not synonymous. Honesty doesn’t demand that we tell all regardless of the result.
It’s better to be wise and selective in what we say; taking care that the information we share helps and heals. Brutal honesty is a rare necessity.
When we do share information, honesty demands that we be truthful and accurate. But what if withholding information contributes to dishonesty? In that case we have no option but to tell the whole truth—and nothing but the truth.
Extract from Signs of the Times, April 2003.
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