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Signs of the Times Australia / NZ edition — lifestyle, health, relationships, culture, spirituality, people — published since 1886 |
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Signs of the Times Australia / NZ edition — lifestyle, health, relationships, culture, spirituality, people — published since 1886 |
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Q: We’d been looking forward to quitting work for years, but now that we’ve retired we’ve discovered that it isn’t so wonderful. We argue and fight more than ever. I think some time apart could help break the tension. What do you think?
A: There are ways to deal with the demands of retirement:
1. Recognise that when you’re retired you’ll expect more from your relationship. You’ll want each other to meet social needs that used to be met in the workplace. You’ll want to be alone sometimes, but your partner will occupy the space. There’ll be more opportunity for closeness and more chance that conflict will arise.
2. Dilute your contact by including other people. Allow each other freedom to spend time on interests or activities that do involve others but not always both of you.
3. Stretch your energies beyond your own interests. Adopt a cause you both believe in and that is for the good of others. A community project like Meals on Wheels, Red Cross or ADRAcare can help you give attention to the needs of others and relieve you from too much concentration on each another.
4. Counter annoyances by noting your partner’s good points. Dwell on these. They attracted you in the first place. This will help you in your efforts to maintain patience.
5. Remember to say sorry when your partner is offended. Don’t permit familiarity to eclipse your sensitivity.
6. You began your relationship with fun. Keep fun alive now by planning enjoyable things to do together. Share your favourite activities with one another.
7. Because of closer contact you will need to communicate more. Talking issues through will lead to greater understanding. You may also talk to God together. It’s hard to feel negative toward a prayer partner. Praying together leads to greater intimacy. Try it and see.
Extract from Signs of the Times, March 2003.
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