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Signs of the Times Australia / NZ edition — lifestyle, health, relationships, culture, spirituality, people — published since 1886 |
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Signs of the Times Australia / NZ edition — lifestyle, health, relationships, culture, spirituality, people — published since 1886 |
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Q: My nine-year-old often complains of stomach pain—but usually only on school days. Our GP can find nothing physically wrong. I’ve tried to be firm and make her go to school, but she becomes genuinely distressed and I end up feeling guilty. On the other hand, when I’ve let her stay home, she gets better quite quickly. I don’t know what to do.
A: I can understand your dilemma. On the one hand you don’t want to be unfair to your little girl if she really is ill, but on the other hand you don’t want to let her miss school unnecessarily. So this is what I would suggest.
Go to her school and speak with her teachers. Ask how she gets on with other children. Is there someone teasing or bullying her? Does she have friends or is she shunned? Also, is she coping with the work or falling behind in any or all of her subjects? You might request permission to sit in on lessons to see how she behaves and interacts. Is she attentive? Does she distract herself or others? It may also be useful to spend time in the playground to observe her interaction.
If she has problems with school work, stay in touch with the teacher so that you can help your daughter keep up. Her problem may be something physiological—that she needs glasses, for example. If the problem appears to be a social one, invite her friends over after school. This will help her form bonds that will make her eager to go to school to see them.
I would also suggest you make sure she gets enough sleep on school nights. A nine-year-old should be in bed by eight. It’s important that she not be tired when facing the challenge of school.
Finally, when she does stay home, don’t go out of your way to amuse or accommodate her; let her rest quietly, limiting access to television/video/ computer games. You don’t want to make staying at home the more attractive option!
With this age group star charts can be effective. Make a chart for Monday to Friday and let your daughter place a sticker on each square when she’s prepared and left for school cheerfully, without complaining of stomach pain. Together decide on a small reward at the end of each perfectly completed week and a larger reward at the end of a whole month of going to school happily.
Remember, the best rewards are those that involve time with you or your husband, such as reading a story together or going to the park to play on the swings.
Extract from Signs of the Times, April 2004.
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