Talking to Kids About Sex

Helene Hubbard, PhD, MD, a professor of paediatrics, says
explaining the real facts of life to kids isn’t as as hard as you may think.

Parents, the good news about sex education is that 99 per cent of it is what you do each day to help your kids succeed in life. Giving them consistent parenting and helping them to develop a healthy self-concept, succeed in school, adopt positive values, learn good social skills, and grow spiritually are the major factors in influencing them to postpone sexual activity. It’s the very same stuff you’ve been working on since they were toddlers: Jesus loves you. You’re a wonderful kid. Obey God and your parents. Be kind. Take care of yourself. Get an education. You’re here for a good reason.

The other 1 per cent is easy. You don’t have to be a doctor or a teacher, just a loving human being.

Before 8 years

Teach children how their bodies work and the real names of its parts. Start early, and they’ll take that for granted. Read them books about mums and dads, babies and families. Answer their questions (or those you sense they want to ask), but first ask what they think—to help guide your answer and so you can put it on their level. Up to the age of eight, kids take everything literally; so be specific and concise.

Have them tell you in their own words what they heard you say, so you know they understand. At this age, however, while they don’t have the concepts, they do have a foundation on which to build the concepts.

Eight–10 years

Now your child can reason—about concrete things, not abstract ideas. They better understand what you began teaching when they were a baby, but they need to hear it again to sort out childish myths from actual facts.

This age is interested in figuring out the puzzles of life. Talk to them. Raise pets, read books, visit Aunt Sue who is pregnant, introduce more advanced notions of hygiene, expect a withdrawal from the opposite sex, anticipate a greater need for household privacy, provide age-appropriate play activities, preview what to expect at puberty.

And remember, sex education is still about good self-concept, positive parenting, succeeding in school, social skills, adopting values and growing spiritually.

10–12 years

Now you’ve raised perfect children! You can talk to them about everything—and they will listen and agree.

Press your advantage—discuss everything! Sex abuse, birth control, sexually transmitted infections (it’s not just about AIDS), masturbation, reasons for chastity, menstruation, other pubertal changes in body size and shape and function, pregnancy and childbirth.

You may think they’re too young, but they’re hearing this in distorted form and need to hear the truth—from you. Keep it age-appropriate, but tell them.

after 12 years

The marathon years! Take a deep breath and start over from scratch. Your lungs burn, your legs scream, you feel you can’t go on, but stay the course. Keep listening, talking, praying, loving, setting limits, and emancipating.

Trust God to do for your child what He did for you. He brought you through—tender in some places and with a few scars, but safe in His love. He’ll take just as good care of them, too.

Reprinted, with permission, from Women of Spirit.