Questions of the Season

As a service to readers, Kim Peckham dedicates this column to answering questions about Christmas. As a further service, he will also supply them.

Question 1
“Wow! Is it Christmas already? Where has the time gone?”
Recently a group of physicists discovered that time really does go somewhere. Complex calculations prove that time moves away from individuals and accumulates at airports. This explains why a one-hour airport stopover lasts up to six.

Question 2
“Should we celebrate Christmas? Isn’t it pagan?”
I can’t imagine that the pagans celebrated Christmas, because the shopping wasn’t any good back then. In any case, I try to be open-minded about holidays that inspire my coworkers to bring me shortbread and chocolates.

Question 3
“How can I save money this Christmas?”
Let me point you to the example of my friend Richard. One Christmas Eve he cheerfully dragged home a tree that he’d found in a ditch. “Can you believe they were finished with it already?” he told his wife in amazement.

Question 4
“Are Christmas letters biblical?”
No. Have you noticed that out of all the Epistles written by the apostle Paul, not one is a Christmas letter or anything like it? But can you even imagine what that would be like?
“Greetings, fellow believers: It’s been an exciting year for the Paulus family. We took a few weeks to visit John on Patmos, where we enjoyed Mediterranean sun and surf. Cruising the Greek Islands post Olympics is quite inexpensive. Otherwise things are very busy at work, where I feel like I’m chained to my desk.

“We’re very proud of Paul, Jr, who just graduated with honours. Little sister Phoebe, who has a beautiful singing voice, got a thumbs-up at the Colosseum. Have a merry Christmas, and we sincerely hope that your children will turn out as nice as ours.”

Question 5
“How can I have a ‘storybook’ Christmas this year?”
As anyone who’s read a good Christmas story can tell you, the most important ingredients of a wonderful, heart-warming holiday are (1) poverty and (2) disease.

The best Christmas stories begin with a family that is so poor that they boil old gum wrappers to make soup. The hardworking mother knits socks for the family from pocket lint that she collects from kindly strangers. In the evening Dad gathers the children around the dim light of their last candle. “Things are really slow in the dental floss recyling business,” he says. “I’m afraid there won’t be any presents this year.”

Doesn’t this sound like the beginning of a great story? You’ve probably already gone to find a hanky.

I once visited a Bible-study class in which everyone shared a favourite Christmas memory. And do you know what? The best stories were all rooted in poverty.

One woman told of a Christmas when her husband was going to university on a scholarship. Literally without a dollar to spare, they agreed that they wouldn’t exchange gifts. But Christmas Day her husband surprised her with an electric toaster. Where had he found the money? After much probing, he admitted that he’d skipped lunch for a week to save the price of the toaster.

That is the magic—no, wait—“magic” is too pagan a word. That is the mystery and wonder and grace of Christmas: That out of poverty comes beauty. That out of a sacrifice comes a gift. That out of a stable comes a King.

Reprinted, with permission, from Women of Spirit.

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