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Signs of the Times Australia / NZ edition — lifestyle, health, relationships, culture, spirituality, people — published since 1886 |
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Signs of the Times Australia / NZ edition — lifestyle, health, relationships, culture, spirituality, people — published since 1886 |
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Q: I am a Year 11 student and I have a special friend. We like each other very much and enjoy being together. The problem is that we don’t belong to the same church denomination, and because of this my girlfriend’s parents are against our friendship. They have forbidden her to speak to me. Our relationship is very strong and the only problem is religion. What advice can you give me?
A: A special friendship is something precious. I would imagine that the friendship that exists between you and your girlfriend is probably the most important thing in your life at this point in time.
However, because you are both young (I assume that your girlfriend is probably about the same age as yourself), and under the protection and guidance of your respective parents, I would suggest a careful consideration of your situation.
Your actions at this stage can make or break your future relationship with this young lady and her parents.
Have you tried to approach your girlfriend’s parents to speak to them about their objections to your relationship? I know this must sound like the scariest thing to do, but imagine what a good impression you will make when you approach them in all sincerity and explain how much you admire their daughter? Perhaps your church minister or a good friend could go with you.
I note also that you are in Year 11 and facing a crucial time in your schooling. It is easy to become distracted at this stage of life. Hard though this may be, it will be of benefit to you and your girlfriend to focus on your studies right now and mutually decide to sort our your friendship issues after exams. This will be a difficult thing to do, but if her parents see that this friendship motivates both of you to work hard at school, their objections may weaken.
You stated that the issue of different religious views is the biggest stumbling block in the eyes of your girlfriend’s parents. If they are willing to get to know you, you may find opportunities to share your beliefs with them, which may also help to break down prejudice.
On the other hand, they may not give you the opportunity and in that case your girlfriend may have to decide for herself what she believes and to which denomination she wishes to belong. In all of this, an attitude of respect and love toward her parents will serve you both well in the longer term.
Extract from Signs of the Times, December 2004.
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