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Signs of the Times Australia / NZ edition — lifestyle, health, relationships, culture, spirituality, people — published since 1886 |
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Q: I’m 24 years old and I’ve been married for three years. My husband and I want to have a happy home, but our problem is that we don’t know how to do this. Both sets of parents are divorced, as are our uncles and aunts. My sister is staying with a partner who doesn’t want to marry or have children. We have no-one to show us how a good marriage or a happy home works. Where do we turn for good role models?
A: This is a predicament faced by many today and I understand your concern. It certainly is difficult to maintain a sense of commitment when all around you people are giving up on marriage and family.
Fortunately, there are still people who do place a high value upon family relationships. Seek them out. Look for an older woman who would be willing to be your mentor. Your husband may similarly want to find an older male to be his. Make sure these people share the commitment to marriage and family as do you. Mentors don’t have to be perfect or a superman/woman. Everyone has their share of trials and difficulties.
When someone agrees to be your mentor, decide on regular times to meet. An hour or two at a time may be enough.
A good place to find such a person may be in your church community, if you have one. If not, look for someone at work or in the wider community who places the same value you do upon marriage and family.
If you like to read, books are always a good resource, and your local library may be the place to find books on marriage and raising a family. Investigate the resources that may be available from your church or community, either in the form of books or seminars.
When specific problems arise, and they will, don’t hesitate to seek help. Marriage and family counsellors are available who can give impartial and objective advice. Do not wait too long before seeking them out. Find help before destructive patterns of interacting become a habit. Preventing a problem is far better than trying to fix one.
I commend you and your husband for wanting to change the pattern you see around you; awareness of a problem is the first step toward change. I wish God’s blessing upon your marriage and future family.
Extract from Signs of the Times, January February 2004 .
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