Who's in Charge?

Controlling your hair may be impossible, says Kim Peckham. And life is more complicated than that.

Are you tired of people telling you what to do? “I need that report on my desk in an hour,” growls your overbearing boss. “You have to sew my costume for the school play,” says your demanding child. “Come back and see us again,” says that pushy waitress at La Porchetta.

Don’t you think it’s time you gave the orders? Well, I’m here to tell you how you can take charge of your life.

“But wait,” I hear you saying. “How can I take control of my life? I can’t even control my hair.”
Ah, your hair. Let me direct your attention to a real product called Wella Liquid Hair Kryptonite. Once you use this product, your hairdo will become as permanent as the Swiss Alps. I guarantee that bonding your hair so firmly in place that it cannot be affected by high winds or, for that matter, small-arms fire will heighten your sense of control. The only downside is that if you decide to update your style, you need a professional stonemason.

Before we go any further, let me outline my qualifications for teaching you how to take control of a situation. I once was in total control of my life. I did what I wanted. I ate what I wanted. And I washed the dishes whenever I wanted. Sometimes I waited months to wash the dishes, and no-one could do a thing about it (unless you count the time a government agency overreacted and put biohazard tape around my apartment).

Basically, I called the shots. When I spoke, I spoke with the confidence of one who expected to be obeyed. “Give me a large order of fries,” I said. And it was done.

It’s hard to say when things began to change. As I look back, it seems that my sense of control began to wane at approximately the time I got married, give or take 45 minutes.
Then I discovered that my decision to have goulash for supper might be vetoed. Money I had set aside for the charitable purpose of entertaining the less fortunate with a home theater system might be squandered on beaded sandals.

So while marriage has many benefits—not the least of which is having someone handy to scratch between your shoulder-blades—it does not enhance feelings of personal sovereignty.

And here’s another thing. If you want to feel as though you’re in control, make it your strict policy never to interact with small children. We have a two-year-old in our house who is as slow to obey our commands as a wild ferret. If we say “Come here,” he just stares at us, as if masked strangers are suggesting he carry their luggage on a cross-country flight.

Like other parents, we fall into the trap of trying to demonstrate our toddler’s skills to others. “Show Aunt Paula how you answer the phone,” we say. And nothing happens. We just get this look that seems to say, “If you want a performance, you know you need to talk to my agent.”

OK, I admit I’m not qualified to tell you how to gain control of any situation. But I can recommend the peace that comes from taking an out-of-control situation and putting it in the hands of the One who commands even the wind and the waves.

As for your hair—calming those waves will take a different kind of miracle.

Adapted, with permission, from Women of Spirit.

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