Soul Glue
Love that truly satisfies has been around as long as humanity. Loron Wade shows how true love was meant to be.
A famous actress was recently holding forth on a popular TV show. She began happily dropping names as she regaled her audience with details of her racy lifestyle. Before I could find the remote, she must have mentioned at least a half dozen famous people she claimed to have slept with.
For those who share this viewpoint, it’s a brave new world, and they say that a “revolution” and great “liberation” have taken place, opening a doorway to boundless freedom and joy.
But they are wrong. They are wrong because the seventh commandment expresses a fundamental law of life—a principle etched deeply in our hearts and minds, based on the way we are wired—and we cannot break it without violating something deep inside.
One of the most famous passages in the Bible helps us to understand why this is so. I say “famous” because even people who have never opened the Bible in their lives have heard of Genesis 2:22, 23. Unfortunately, it sometimes gets used in the context of a joke. But if we can leave that aside for a moment and treat the passage with the respect it deserves, we will discover that it has a deep meaning.
It says: “So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and closed up the place with flesh.
Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man”
(Genesis 2:21, 22).
Adam’s first words, the ones he spoke when he saw this beautiful creature walking toward him, show that he did get the point of what had happened.
With profound emotion Adam exclaimed, “This is now bone of my bone, and flesh of my flesh” (verse 23).
It is clear that Adams’ joy reflected the beginning of their sexual relationship, because the record immediately adds: “For this reason [that is, because woman was taken from man’s body; because she is bone of his bones and flesh of his flesh] a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh” (verse 24). It is God’s design that through sexual relation, flesh shall be joined to flesh and spirit to spirit.
A well-known term in popular psychology describes the concept taught in Genesis 2:22-24: “identification.” To “identify” with someone involves more than to feel for them or to care about them. It means that in some mysterious way we come to share their identity— as if somehow we are them. Through identification, we can see the world through their eyes, know their joy and their pain. This powerful force is at work when we cry at the end of a sad movie. Our tears flow because the actor has led us to identify with the character on the screen, so that his or her loss becomes ours.
As Adam saw this beautiful creature now approaching, he had an overwhelming sense of identification in his heart. She was a part of him, for she had come from his own body. This is the reason for the incredible impact of the experience as he exclaimed, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh!” Then what could be more wonderful and natural for Adam than to hold her in his arms, feel her body pressing against his and share with her the intense pleasure that God designed to accompany their glad rejoining?
God created and designed the sexual union to be a powerful instrument of identification and bonding. To say it another way: it is soul glue.
This is not merely a nice-sounding theory or a warm fuzzy idea. Science has discovered powerful chemicals that the body releases during sex. They intensify pair bonding. A hormone called oxytocin works directly on our brains to strengthen our relationship and identification, and its flow increases during intercourse. It means that God designed the physical aspect of the sex act to be part of the total intimacy of heart and mind that is marriage.
The apostle Paul also speaks of the bonding function of sex and says that it operates even when we may have no such intention. Contrary to what some might wish to believe, it is not really possible to have sex and then walk away, as though nothing has happened.
“Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, The two will become one flesh’” (1 Corinthians 6:16). You can climb out of bed, get dressed and leave—but something has happened. A bonding has taken place, and you are taking something with you. You are weaving a tangled web that, in one way or another, will come back to haunt you.
Jesus also referred to the bonding function of physical intimacy. “Haven’t you read, he replied, that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female’, and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate” (Matthew 19:4-6) Like Paul, Jesus is saying that the sexual relationship is a divinely designed agency to make the joining of two lives strong and permanent. It is heaven’s way of cementing together the two hearts, and they cannot afterward be torn apart without serious damage to both.
going too far
Jesus said that adultery begins where it ends: in the heart. “You have heard that it was said, ‘Do not commit adultery.’ But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart” (Matthew 5:27, 28).
He recognised that sexual arousal originates in the mind, that the mind is stimulated through the senses—by looking “at a woman with lust for her.”
Mental sex—unrestrained sexual fantasies— may seem like a pleasant and innocent pastime, but it is not. Looking at scenes that excite sexual desire and hearing or reading stories and descriptions of sex strongly stimulates such fantasies. So that’s where the battle for self-control has to start.
We were standing on the top of El Peñol, a gigantic sandstone monolith that rises abruptly hundreds of feet above the surrounding countryside in the country of Colombia. With some friends, we had huffed and puffed our way up the 649 steps to the top.
To our great surprise, we saw no protective railing up there, no barriers or even any warning signs. The friendly guard told us that he had been on the job for more than 20 years.
“Has anyone ever gone over the edge?” I asked him.
“Yes,” he said. “About 30.”
Shocked, I asked, “Did all those people intend to jump, or was it an accident?”
“I don’t know. We could never ask them.” He seemed to be amused by this answer.
After chatting with the man for a while, we wandered around. The flat area on the top comprises about an acre. The curious thing is that there is no sudden precipice at the edge. It just starts to slope away gradually. In fact, it really doesn’t seem all that dangerous.
While observing this, I got to thinking that it might be interesting to find out if a person could get close enough to the edge to be able to peek over. We could see for miles in all directions but it would be a lot more exciting if we could look straight down, wouldn’t it?
Hmm, OK—I think I’ll just move a little closer to the edge. Hey, this is fun.
But I still can’t see very well. It’s all right, Mum. Don’t worry. I don’t really plan to go all the way.
The top of El Peñol has no warning signs. But I’m glad Jesus left us a clear warning in His teaching about the seventh commandment. Don’t even get close to the edge, He said. Decide for yourself what your eyes will look at, what your mind will think about.
Don’t let the obscene advertisers and screenwriters determine the content of your thinking. As Paul put it, “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable— if anything is excellent or praiseworthy— think about such things” (Philippians 4:8) .
It is here that we must draw the line in the battle for purity. We can win the battle only by turning away from evil, by occupying the mind with positive and ennobling ideas, and by making God number one in our lives. “Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee” (Isaiah 26:3, KJV).
whole again
In a perfect society we could close this article right there but we live in a broken and hurting world. Without doubt, some of the people who read this are looking back on experiences they would rather forget. We can learn much from how Jesus responded to people like this.
One terrible day a group of men came to Jesus, dragging a woman that they threw at His feet like a dirty rag.
“Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery” (John 8:4).
After Jesus had dealt with these hypocrites and they had left, He said to the woman, “Where are the people who were accusing you?”
Surprised, she opened her eyes and looked around. Then she replied, “There isn’t anybody, Sir.”
Jesus’ question is for everyone who, like this woman, have found themselves overtaken by sin and filled with remorse and despair. He told her: “I don’t condemn you either. Go, and sin no more.”
“For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him” (John 3:17). “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” (Romans 8:1).
I know many people who have gone over the edge with regard to the seventh commandment, and I have seen the hurt and far-reaching damage caused by what they did. But I have also witnessed healing and hope and restoration, and know these are possible.
I praise God for the seventh commandment.
It shows that He loves us and cares enough to warn us about terrible danger. I am also thankful that forgiveness and restoration are possible and freely available to all.
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Articles of interest:
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This is an extract from August 2007
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